Thursday, September 20, 2012

Poetry for thought...

I wrote this a few months ago.  Last week my Grandpa died and I remembered this.  Thought I would share it with the world.

I think that everyone looks at death differently.

A leaf must turn over to accept the water that the skies offer in rain,
A leaf knows not why he turns over
A leaf is not conscious of the rain.
A leaf turns over and gets pounded with water washing away the past.
A leaf knows not that dust has settled on it's cells.
A leaf is not conscious of how weary it gets when clouded by debris
A leaf Turns over to accept the water that renews it when the skies offer rain.
A leaf knows not why this happens over and over again
A leaf is not conscious that this rain is what keeps him alive.
A leaf must turn over just before it falls off the tree.
A tree Knows not why the leaves fall off and die
A tree is not conscious that new leaves will return in spring
A tree must turn over to accept the leaves that come after the hard winter is done.

I guess that this sort of describes how I think about death.  It hurts, but to see yourself as a leaf, taking the beating so that my energy can be recycled for the rest of the world, oddly makes it feel better.  We should celebrate the leaves that fall off the tree, for they make it possible for new leaves to bloom.  Just in case you want to read better poetry, here is one of my favorite poems.

O' Captain my Captain!
a poem by Walt Whitman

O Captain my Captain! our fearful trip is done,
The ship has weathered every rack, the prize we sought is won,
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring;
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.
O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;
Rise up--for you the flag is flung for you the bugle trills,
For you bouquets and ribboned wreaths for you the shores a-crowding,
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
Here Captain! dear father!
This arm beneath your head!
It is some dream that on the deck,
You've fallen cold and dead.
My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;
The ship is anchored safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;
From fearful trip the victor ship comes in with object won;
Exult O shores, and ring O bells!
But I, with mournful tread,
Walk the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.

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Wednesday, September 19, 2012

More than half empty...

     The question was asked by a good friend of mine who also blogs at ; The wandering terp asked me “What would you do if you woke up, and you were the last person left on earth, but everything still worked?”

     I figured there are two ways to answer this question, politically, and honestly.  I will try to answer honestly, because if you were the only one left, who the fuck cares about politics anymore?  The truest form of freedom would be all that you have.  You would have it, and be embraced by it.  I think it’s hard to fathom the type of responsibility you would actually have to take for yourself.  We take for granted all the little things in our lives that other people take responsibility for.  You aren’t going to just hop in a 747 and fly across the ocean to see Paris; it would be a quick way to end your fragile newly found freedom.
     Honestly, I would wander, moving from one city to the next trying to figure out how the world works.  I would probably go through a period of getting used to being so alone.  Coping with that I think would be the hardest part.  Waking up and realizing that there is no one, anywhere, and all these things were built for them, for everyone, but all of it was left to me.  I think that would be incredibly difficult to handle. 

     Once I got to a point where I could handle it, I would probably find the nicest car in whatever city I was living in, and drive.  I want to say that I would go somewhere familiar, somewhere that felt like home at least a little.  With everyone gone though, that would change things.  I once went back to Portland, OR where I grew up after I became an adult.  Everyone that I knew there either moved on, I had forgotten them, or had moved away.  The familiarity with the city was gone; it had been years since I had lived there.  Even the elementary school I used to attend felt different, cold.  There is value in familiarity, and often we place that on objects, places, or things; but I have learned through time that people are what make the memories so cherished.

     Maybe after I got over that, I could find things to do that would pass time, but it would never feel like visiting places with family.  There is a certain level of frustration, enjoyment and nostalgic things that happen when you have people to share a vacation with.  Stress still happens, but it’s a different kind of stress, and it never feels as bad as the same thing when you aren’t on vacation.  I think that would take a lot of enjoyment out of wandering.
     I would definitely find a nice rifle, and some rounds to put in it.  This is of course for practical reasons.  Once I run out of things in my fridge, I want to be able to hunt.  Oh, and a fishing pole, that would be important too, not only would I be feeding myself, I would be passing time and time would go very slow with no one around.  After that, I’m not sure what I would do, maybe nothing.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Me interviewing... Myself.

     Reading an interesting book, it made me think about what kinds of things people would be interested in knowing about me.  I thought about it, and decided that I would ask my facebook friends what questions they would ask.  It is interesting to see what people don’t know about you, and the things they want to know.  Some of the questions are mundane, like “Who are you?”, while others are a little bit more dangerous,  “what do you think you have accomplished and failed at in your life?”.  I am going to do my best to answer these questions in the spirit of my original request.
DP:  Who are you? Or Who do you think you are?
Me:  I am Brett, or Anonymous1am or Daddy, or Babe, depending on who and when you ask.  I am passionate about the things I do, and I take great pride in any finished product that my name is attached to.  I have tendency to be too patient with people, and can get walked on sometimes.  I cry at movies, and don’t mind admitting it, and I also read, a lot.  I am unashamed at the many things that I have done in my life, and try to live life without regret.  Of course, there are small regrets that poke their heads out when I am feeling depressed, but overall none.  I will save more detail for other questions that I have ready for you.
AD:  What kinds of music make your body tingle all over?

Me:  Just to set the record straight, AD is my gay little brother, and I chose to use his question directly because it made me laugh the first time I read it.   Secondly, I don’t necessarily get tingles from a specific type of music.  But when I am listening to a song, or an artist and for some reason it just feels “right”, I get goose bumps, and almost cry.  It is seldom that I let myself connect emotionally with people outside of my immediate family but with music there is no barrier.  It is something that I can do my self, or in a group.  I can listen without constraint and fully connect to what I am listening to, so much so that it sometimes brings me to tears.  I connect with movies the same way, they try so hard to connect with viewers in a meaningful way, and tangible way that when it happens and I connect with it, who am I to say that’s not what I am supposed to do.   
RW: What do you think of when you are taking a break?

Me:  Here lately my break time thoughts to myself are, “is this it?” I don’t want to seem melodramatic, but I think that everyone has delusions of grandeur when they are first moving out of the safety net of childhood.  The “nothing can stop me” attitude suits a purpose, breeds confidence and lays the groundwork for what you are to become.  It feels like I have not become the man that I wanted to be.  Don’t get me wrong, I still think that I am better than what I was, but I wanted to change the world by now.  I wanted to have a project that united people beyond what anyone had seen before; in that respect, I did fail.
CD: What make you lie awake at night?

You know me so well, you asked the perfect question when I posted my request at 2:00AM.  The truth of this question is complicated, because as confident as I may seem to people who don’t know me that well.  I am a very anxious person; I worry constantly.  I worry about my sons, who have spent years of their lives away from me because of the Army.  I worry that with all the time I spend away, Lindsey may someday not be there waiting for me faithfully as she has been for the last 7 years.  I worry that something terrible will happen thousands of miles away that I can’t do anything about, or even be there to help pick up the pieces for.  I see my extended family getting older and dying and moving on, and I have not been there for anyone.  I don’t like being a recluse, but my life sometimes make me feel that I have done that to my family.  I worry that my inability to emotionally connect with people will have some tragic effect on me that still waits to bear it’s ugly head.  But mostly I worry for my kids.
RW: What is the first thing on your mind when you wake up? What is the last thing on your mind before you go to sleep?
Me:  Mostly my family, and how much I cherish them, and can’t wait to be back with them.  Sometimes though its “oh shit, I am running late.” Or “I stayed up way too late.”
I think that’s enough for tonight, I feel like I have spent way too much time talking about myself.  I will continue this later, because there were more interesting questions that I feel need to be answered. 

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Patience... Wearing... Thin...

So, been here in Kuwait for about two months now.  I live in a tent with 25 people and most of them have no idea what it means to be a good roommate.  I remember telling Lindsey before this all started that the only thing that would bother me through this whole deployment was the lack of privacy.  It would be nice to be in a CHU (Containerized Housing Unit) again this time; like living in a 20' shipping container with one other person.  My command is saying that there is a good chance that we will move into them later this year but if I held my breath I would be dead by the time they "got around to it".

On a positive note, I was able to be on Skype when My youngest turned One last week.  Lindsey and I found out that he LOVES frosting, but he is not a big fan of cake.  He seems to be doing good with the transition to whole milk.  Hopefully I will be able to get on Skype when the next birthday rolls around in a couple of days.

On a completely unrelated note, I was just involved in a conversation about if fat people can sing better than skinny people.  Of course it had to be googled; I found that while there is an abundance of fat opera singers, there have been no studies conducted about a singers weight, and the affect on their singing ability.  So maybe there should be?  Either way, my friends don't like my choice of music.  Even though Adele has received multiple Grammy awards; no one will admit to liking her music.  I have a feeling that those same people listened to 'NSYNC and would never admit it to their friends.

I have noticed that sometimes it helps to use my blog as a vent, besides I don't have that big of an audience anyways ;)

Tuesday, June 26, 2012


So, I recently met someone on who really makes me grateful for the things I have.  Of course, there is no way to know if they are just pulling my leg.  Even if they are, then it still makes me grateful, cause only someone truly fucked up would make this shit up.

This person had a worse upbringing than me, and that is saying a lot,  and it never got better.  Between dealing with their friends suicide, and just fucked up relationships, and coping with the news that they are going to die from cancer; I don't know how they do it.  All that shit, and to top it all off, they still have an amazing attitude, and carefree personality.  It makes you wonder, why the worst things happen to the best people.  I have always said that you are only handed the things that you can handle, but Jesus Christ, what type of person does it take to handle all that, and still feel like they can't be stopped.  

It all goes back to one of my favorite sayings "Don't worry about the things you can't change, and change the things you can."  Life is a lot less stressful when you realize this, and from my experience it is more fun to live life that way.  Lindsey always gives me shit about my Confucius attitude, but I enjoy it, so I don't mind.

I guess what the point of this is, it can always get worse, and my new friend is living proof.  Thank whoever your God is for your life and the things you have.  Everything can be taken away, as sad as that is.  Be grateful for everything, every breathe, every cool breeze, the sand between your toes, the hair on your head and the little moments throughout the day that make you smile.  I am going to step down from my soap box now, but leave a comment. 

 What are you grateful for?

Friday, April 13, 2012

Mushrooms mushrooms mushrooms

Ok, so living in Germany, recycling is a really important topic to Americans. Mostly because when we move here we are coming from a society where recycling is not very important, to a society where it takes a high priority. So when I hear about things that could revolutionize the way the World recycles, it gets me kinda excited(Boring I know).

So Americans are REALLY BAD at recycling. Just outside my building we have three containers. One for trash, one for cardboard, and one for plastic bottles. They are all right next to each other. It really annoys me that when I take out my trash and recycling, there will be a gigantic cardboard box sitting on top of the trash, three feet from the cardboard container.

This morning I saw a really cool video on Yahoo news(My wife Insisted I watch). Here is the Link Freaking mushrooms! The legume I love is about to change the world. It has always been a gastronomical success. Mushrooms are a really good source of vitamins and minerals and even help you lose weight. Plus if you eat the right ones, its a really fun high :P. but this, I tip my hat to you Mr. Legume.
Mushrooms just reinvented themselves to be arguably the most useful thing on the globe(Maybe an exaggeration). But to be able to literally eat plastic. That could revolutionize the way we recycle, not to mention growing Styrofoam from recycled food waste. Who thinks of these things. I don't really care, but the guy who found the mushroom that eats plastic deserves a Nobel Peace Prize.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

The Kids... and spanking!

I am having one of those weeks, where I remember all the times my mom said while chasing me across the house with a red high heel shoe; "Wait til you have kids, I hope they act like you do."  With my upcoming deployment I think they are taking it hard this time.  Last time they didn't really change the way they were acting, until I left.  This time my oldest has had a crazy attitude, and trouble paying attention.  My youngest is just being himself, but for anyone who knows him, that's not saying much.  I guess I will have to write another blog explaining that situation some other time.  The crazy part is, I would have gotten my ass whooped had I had the attitude they do.  I would have never gotten away with it.

With people becoming more liberal about raising kids, people get pitchforks and torches if you even talk about spanking. So even though it worked, and there was only a little bit of trauma involving handcuffs and such, it is worth it.  I actually think the world would be a better place if it weren't for all the liberal parents that actually want their kids to like them.  Don't get me wrong, I don't condone abuse, there is a definite line that shouldn't be crossed, but spanking works.  The crazy thing is, a lady in Texas just went to jail, because she spanked her kid, on the ass, with her open palm, and did not even leave a mark.  Texas Law states that it is okay to spank with an open palm on the butt. I think it's outrageous that this judge totally ignored the law, and did what he thought was right.  Which brings me to my point, that even though the law is on your side when it comes to spanking, the judges, adn the people who decide to prosecute them, can do what they want.

All they are doing, is making it harder to be a good parent, who's kids respect them, and respect others.  I can't even go on the playground behind my house without hearing 10 year old kids calling each other mother fuckers and bitches.  What has the world come to that you can't even raise your kids the way you want to.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

To the parents of the little girls who took my sons scooter:

Your kids might come to you and say that their scooter was stolen tonight. It was, by it's owner. This is exactly why we etched my sons full name onto it. So once again, fuck you...


About three weeks ago, my sons Razor Scooter was stolen off of the playground while he was outside playing.  Naturally this really bothered me.  We live in a tiny community, where everyone literally knows everyone.  We knew that it wouldn't be long before we found it, because we etched his name into it.  Last night around four o'clock or so, my wife notices a little girl ride to the park on what looks like his scooter.  She had to pull me away from the door because I was going to go out and check while they were out there.  She said "Just wait and take the dog for a walk  It's less obvious that way."  I waited, took the dog out, and walked the direction that the girls were walking to find out where they went.  Because our community is so small it was pretty easy to find.  

I noticed where it was sitting, but because there were a bunch of people around I couldn't get close enough to see the etching that my wife put on it.  I took the dog home, determined to return later and find out if it was his. Yesterday being St. Patrick's Day, people were partying all night and I didn't get a chance to go back.

Tonight, while taking the dog out, I grabbed my flashlight, a poop bag and the leash and set out with my detective dog, Izzy, to find out if it was his.  We walked over there, and upon closer inspection found his full name engraved into the same two spots.  So I brought it home, and now after plenty of Facebook traffic over the incident I am writing a blog about it.

Our Army Community depends on Army Values, theft is against the Army values which is why this sort of thing pisses me off so much.

I think this is enough, I will update if anything interesting happens because of this.

Good Night

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Up and Running

First things first, this blog has nothing to do with the infamous group of hackers that call them selves Anonymous.  While I respect what they do, this blog will have nothing to do with them. 

My blog is more for me, and my friends.  A safe place to vent frustrations and maybe a little bit of deep curiosity that I try to foster for myself.

I am "Anonymous"  but I prefer to go by Brett.  I have a wonderful, often challenging family and work life.  The fun part of it is that I never know what is going to happen.  I often find my self laughing at the "interesting" things that happen at home and work.  So I think I will make fun of them here.   

I live and work in Europe, and I do a little bit of local travel,  I don't often get to enjoy the "travel channel" touristy things that go on in some of the places I go, but my family finds interesting ways to spend our "minications".  So I suppose I will put a little bit of that in there also.  

I am not going to do a full on introduction because I think that you will get to know me as I continue to write in my blog.   Here goes nothing...

-Brett  (p.s.  I did not create this picture, I pulled it off of

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

25 Things you probably don't know about me...

1. It wasn't until I was 17 and living on the streets that I understood why my dad divorced my mom.

2. I tell people that I am allergic to peas but really, they just make me gag, because of the texture.

3. As much as I love to cook, working as a cook in a restaurants make me tired of it.

4. If I had 24 hours left to live and could do anything, it would be fishing.

5. If I could live anywhere in the world it would be Portland, Oregon.(sorry hun i know you don't like rain)

6. I have pretended to have imaginary friends in order to scare people I didn't like, it worked.

7. I got hit by a car when I was eight, actually, I t-boned him, I was walking.

8. I have never been, and never plan on going to a strip club.

9. I have random conversations with foreign strangers

10. I have been in twelve different countries and would like to make it to 30 before I die

11. I missed my own sons birth, but watched my nephew be born

12. I love fiercely and am extremely devoted to my wife.

13. the nerves in my body, run outside the muscles instead of inside the muscles which makes my body fall asleep really easily

14. I am 36 seconds older than my twin brother

15. I shot at a bear with a bb-gun just to see what would happen. nothing happened.

16. I have held a long conversation with my brother while having sex with my ex wife

17. I am good at spray painting on walls, it just never looked very good.

18. I drink my Iced tea UNSWEETENED, because why drink tea if you can't taste it.

19. for breakfast, the best meal is EVERYTHING, piled on top of EVERYTHING and mixed together with hot sauce and Sausage gravy.

20. I sleep with a teddy bear.

21. I am pagan. Not to be confused with my own religion regarding the flying horse known as Pagasus.

22. I am extremely patient, too much sometimes.

23. I lost a large chunk of my leg when I was five, somehow it grew back...

24. I once stole a girls cell phone from her on her birthday, and when she found out it was stolen, I threw it in the river.

25. I have stayed awake so long that I was hallucinating, 5 days.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Thank You

Thank you for life...
Thank you for everything you do...
Thank you for life...
Thank you for being there for me
thanks for everything you do...

Some one had to teach me how to walk and,
someone had to teach me how to talk
some one had to teach me just how to sing this song for you
which is why I just want to say thank you.

When I lie at wake at night I wonder, just how many people taught me life. I can't imagine life without the constant little lessons from strangers on the street. Some one had to teach you trust, and someone had to teach you lies. Someone had to show you love and someone had to receive it. For you would know not love without someone accepting it from you. You go through life learning lessons, attributing them to you, but without a rude clerk patience would be unknown, and without a nice waitress gratitude would be a foreign concept. without the pilot 35000 feet would never touch your eyes. Be grateful everyday, for life.

Happiness is bound to follow you if you allow it within the walls of self for those walls and thick and jaded, painted with the lies we tell ourselves about our own unhappiness. I am guilty myself of the jaded life. Let me teach you something. Let your ego be still and your mind be buzzing. Let your ears be perked and your eyes steady on my own. Thank you for everything, even the things that annoy and frustrate me, without them my patience would be weak and my ego enlarged. The meaning of life is not something to look for, its something to experience and no one else can do that for you. Every day is a new sheet of paper, and every moment is a new line on which to write. Thank you for your opinion because really, no matter what people think, it really does matter. Every experience every word, every gesture, every expression, every mistake, take away from it, don't let it's energy be wasted, if that energy has graced you, you are lucky.
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