Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Me interviewing... Myself.

     Reading an interesting book, it made me think about what kinds of things people would be interested in knowing about me.  I thought about it, and decided that I would ask my facebook friends what questions they would ask.  It is interesting to see what people don’t know about you, and the things they want to know.  Some of the questions are mundane, like “Who are you?”, while others are a little bit more dangerous,  “what do you think you have accomplished and failed at in your life?”.  I am going to do my best to answer these questions in the spirit of my original request.
DP:  Who are you? Or Who do you think you are?
Me:  I am Brett, or Anonymous1am or Daddy, or Babe, depending on who and when you ask.  I am passionate about the things I do, and I take great pride in any finished product that my name is attached to.  I have tendency to be too patient with people, and can get walked on sometimes.  I cry at movies, and don’t mind admitting it, and I also read, a lot.  I am unashamed at the many things that I have done in my life, and try to live life without regret.  Of course, there are small regrets that poke their heads out when I am feeling depressed, but overall none.  I will save more detail for other questions that I have ready for you.
AD:  What kinds of music make your body tingle all over?

Me:  Just to set the record straight, AD is my gay little brother, and I chose to use his question directly because it made me laugh the first time I read it.   Secondly, I don’t necessarily get tingles from a specific type of music.  But when I am listening to a song, or an artist and for some reason it just feels “right”, I get goose bumps, and almost cry.  It is seldom that I let myself connect emotionally with people outside of my immediate family but with music there is no barrier.  It is something that I can do my self, or in a group.  I can listen without constraint and fully connect to what I am listening to, so much so that it sometimes brings me to tears.  I connect with movies the same way, they try so hard to connect with viewers in a meaningful way, and tangible way that when it happens and I connect with it, who am I to say that’s not what I am supposed to do.   
RW: What do you think of when you are taking a break?

Me:  Here lately my break time thoughts to myself are, “is this it?” I don’t want to seem melodramatic, but I think that everyone has delusions of grandeur when they are first moving out of the safety net of childhood.  The “nothing can stop me” attitude suits a purpose, breeds confidence and lays the groundwork for what you are to become.  It feels like I have not become the man that I wanted to be.  Don’t get me wrong, I still think that I am better than what I was, but I wanted to change the world by now.  I wanted to have a project that united people beyond what anyone had seen before; in that respect, I did fail.
CD: What make you lie awake at night?

You know me so well, you asked the perfect question when I posted my request at 2:00AM.  The truth of this question is complicated, because as confident as I may seem to people who don’t know me that well.  I am a very anxious person; I worry constantly.  I worry about my sons, who have spent years of their lives away from me because of the Army.  I worry that with all the time I spend away, Lindsey may someday not be there waiting for me faithfully as she has been for the last 7 years.  I worry that something terrible will happen thousands of miles away that I can’t do anything about, or even be there to help pick up the pieces for.  I see my extended family getting older and dying and moving on, and I have not been there for anyone.  I don’t like being a recluse, but my life sometimes make me feel that I have done that to my family.  I worry that my inability to emotionally connect with people will have some tragic effect on me that still waits to bear it’s ugly head.  But mostly I worry for my kids.
RW: What is the first thing on your mind when you wake up? What is the last thing on your mind before you go to sleep?
Me:  Mostly my family, and how much I cherish them, and can’t wait to be back with them.  Sometimes though its “oh shit, I am running late.” Or “I stayed up way too late.”
I think that’s enough for tonight, I feel like I have spent way too much time talking about myself.  I will continue this later, because there were more interesting questions that I feel need to be answered. 

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